Challenged
by trunks111
Summary: SakuraHinata. Shoji-ai. Yuri. A lot of the time, Hinata is very depressed, her best friend, Tayuya, is the main reason she is able to smile once more. What happens when there's a girl, who makes her feel as she's never felt before? She's only read about it. So cynical, yet this girl challenges everything Hinata has come to believe about the world. Can it be real?
1. Chapter 1

She hated it. Her own gods damned weakness. Her need to hurt herself. Every time she messed up. She had to feel the pain of it. She felt like a failure. She made her body bruise, ache, and bleed for it. It hurt, but it was always worth it to ensure she didn't do it again. She was weak though. The pain, it was intoxicating. It made her remember she was, in fact, still alive. As much as she did not want to be.

What good was free-will, if she could not even end her own life when she so chose?

She glared at the wall in front of her. She longed to drive her fist into it. Bruise her knuckles once more. Maybe even bust them open. The wall did nothing to deserve her anger. It was simply an object. Many a wall had felt her fist. In frustration, sadness, anger, resentment. Whatever the reason, the pain made her remember..., or did it make her forget? A cruel smile tugged at her beautifully pale face. She let it. She was so torn.

Between life and death. Hope and despair. Depression and happiness. Loneliness and contentment.

It..., it was a frightening prospect really. How easily she could go from one set of emotions to another. One fact always remained, however. Death, the desire, the need, the craving. It was never truly far from her thoughts. It lingered. Temptation. Yet..., here she sat. Upon her lilac colored sheets adorning her University Dorm bed in the room she shared with another girl who would be arriving in the next week or two. Here, she still sat. To what end?

Pursuing a dream she no longer believes in. To become a adolescent psychologist, helping "troubled teens". As if there is hope. As if all she has seen is naught. As if it is really that simple. To let go of all that was and accept what is. She is told, it is that simple. Yet..., she is not the forgiving sort. She cannot forgive and forget. Every wrong, every slip-up, even if she doesn't know what happend, the emotional aftermath remains.

As usual, her thoughts are a scattered mess. Growling lightly, the purple haired young adult digs in her black messenger bag for her notebook, sitting back against the headboard with the notebook upon her left knee, pencil in her right hand as she begins to attempt to organize that which is her mind.

I didn't ask for this.  
I never wanted it.  
Yet here I stand.  
A life I don't even deserve.  
Thrust into my hands.  
Told I am free,  
Knowing I am caged.  
Lied to from birth,  
Does it ever end?  
I wonder, day to day,  
Is there any hope?  
For humanity, for any of us.  
Do we matter in the slightest  
Or are we insignificant?  
What gods would do this?  
Be it that we are mere entertainment,  
I hope our struggles amuse you.  
We will never rise above what we are.  
Too easily blinded by the obvious to see the truth.

She closed her notebook after rereading her words. She set it upon the floor gently, her pencil laid atop it.

She hadn't always been so cynical. Years ago..., she had been shy, kind, caring. What changed?  
Coming out as a lesbian, declaring her desire to study the human mind, telling her father she did not care what he thought of her, virtually friendless anyway. She was completely different from who she was... It had only been..., what, four years? Even so. Sometimes, she didn't recognize herself anymore. The change was that drastic.

She developed a more feminine figure, large breasts, hips, nonetheless, she went to workout every day. She wasn't going to be a weakling. She kept her hair shorn short, the back only a couple inches long and her bangs hanging into her eyes. She dressed almost always in ripped skinny jeans or tripp pants and graphic t-shirts.  
Many of her old classmates had come out as well, and some she became better friends with since she had gained much more confidence. Kiba, was one of them, he was always willing to back her up in anything, but he understood she didn't always need protecting. He was like her big brother, in a way.  
Her best friend, however, was one Tayuya. A loud-mouthed musician, a delinquent, and of course, a lesbian. She was the one person Hinata trusted above all. The one who knew everything about her. They had no interest in each other romantically, although..., should they get bored, they have no problem messing around, just for the fun of it. Especially if some undesireable is hitting on one of them.

Tayuya could make her forget her sadness and anger. Somehow. Hinata was endlessly grateful to her for it, but Tayuya always waved it off, saying she had no need of thanks. Hinata, of course, would take the opportunity to turn on her charm, walking up behind her friend, her breasts pressing into the red head's sensitive back, her slender arms around her waist, her chin resting upon the other girl's shoulder, her lips pouting and her eyes wide. Tayuya would blush furiously, telling Hinata to fuck off and Hinata would just laugh and release her friend.

A strange friendship, truly.  
Years before..., she would have died at her behavior, now..., it seemed natural.  
For everything, Tayuya was like her sister, more a sister than Hanabi had ever been at any rate. The brat.

She shook her head. Tayuya. She should go see if she had anything fun planned. Things were always interesting with her. Smirking, Hinata slipped her phone out of her pocket and sent her friend a quick text. Her smirk widening into a grin upon the response, she left the room, on her way to Tayuya, fun awaited. They would be 'terrorizing' the newer freshmen, some who were coming from far places, like Tayuya herself. New people to fuck with. Those that didn't know about either of them.  
Shaking her head in amazement, Hinata marveled at how her best friend could make her forget everything and just be carefree. It never ceased to amaze her. Honestly.


	2. Despite

Fucking with the new freshmen had been fun. They hit on some of the girls, each other, gave guys awkward boners. Good times, as always. Now though, she was back in her dorm room. Alone.  
She could feel it again. The lonlieness. The soul-crushing sadness. Her desire for life wavering. Despite what she knew. Despite how well her life was going. She did not want to be alive. She could never shake the feeling for very long. It always returned with a vengance. It differed every time with its beginning. Sadness, anger, lonlieness. No matter. The result was the same.

It didn't matter how many times she tried. Most of the time, the blades wouldn't even cut! Or if they did it was extremely shallow and really only an inconvience. She wasn't going to try an OD, no..., she wanted to bleed, to feel the pain of the wounds she inflicted upon herself.

Finding her notebook, she opened to a fresh page and began to write, even as tears cascaded down her pale cheeks, she paid them no mind. She ached so terribly...

It's said suicide is the coward's way.  
Of course, she doesn't feel that way.  
Suicide is the answer when your will is broken and naught can fix it.  
Suicide is the answer when everything is trying to destroy what little sanity you have left.  
Suicide is the answer when darkness overtakes your mind.  
Suicide is the answer when lonlieness consumes you.  
Suicide is the answer when your soul is crushed.  
Suicide is the answer...  
Clearly, if it is your desire, it should be granted.  
For if you were meant to live,  
You wouldn't feel as you do.

She snorted as she reread her words. Truth always came out when she wrote. She titled it, "Suicide". She closed the notebook and dropped it back upon the floor. She did feel better... The tears had dried upon her face, down her neck, a few had made it upon her shirt. She muttered a soft curse, not that it mattered. Tayuya was likely busy for the night, but then she did show up unannounced on occasion... She laid down, gazing up at the ceiling.

It didn't matter. None of it did.  
Her mind began to drift, back to earlier in the day.

They had been brutally messing with one girl, both of them. She was definetely a virgin. Totally innocent. So innocent, it was almost painful to watch as Tayuya went up behind her, sliding her arms around her waist and whispering in her ear. The girl turned a bright shade of red and stuttered a reply. In turn, Hinata sauntered over, stopping in front of the blushing girl as Tayuya leaned over the girl's shoulder to plant a feather-light kiss upon Hinata's lips.  
Hinata's response was slipping her arm around the two girls, the new girl between the older, as Hinata's hand found it's way to Tayuya's ass, giving it a squeeze, causing Tayuya to moan into the girl's ear. The girl blushed more, stuttering something as her eyes flicked to Hinata's face and away. Hinata touched her nose to Tayuya's tanned cheek in what would be considered a loving gesture, before stepping away from both girls and beginning to walk away.

The freshman, confused, stood there as Tayuya dashed over to Hinata, standing in front of her and giving her a full-on passionate kiss. Hinata smirked a little but returned the kiss, her eyes falling closed but not before seeing a bubblegum pink haired girl. Her emerald eyes were upon the redhead and herself. She looked..., interested or at least shocked. Then all she had to focus on was Tayuya who was pressed up against her, her lips having moved to her pale neck. Hinata leaned her head back, her hands gripping Tayuya's ass once more.

She held her close a few moments longer before Tayuya tugged her by the hand. They wandered off.  
Tayuya giggling madly as she always did after such a display.

Hinata..., however, was thinking about the girl she had seen for a split second. She looked..., familiar. Probably from highschool. She didn't remember her name though. Kiba would probably remember... Tayuya announced she was going to the cafeteria for some more fun, Hinata told her she'd catch up. She leaned against the building, taking her phone from her pocket.

'Remember a girl with pink hair and green eyes?'

She looked around as she awaited a response. Freshmen were mostly the ones milling around, but there were a few upperclassmen. At last, her phone buzzed.  
'Yeah. Her name is Sakura Haruno. Got a crush? :)'

She rolled her eyes before sending a fast reply. 'Just saw her once... Not like I know anything about her.'

'Doesn't mean anything. A crush is just that, you could have only seen someone famous once and have a major crush on them'

'Why do you always have to be right?'

'Cause i can.'

'Yeah yeah'

She was grinning again as she pocketed her phone. Debating whether to join Tayuya or not.  
Kiba had a point. She was crushing on the pink haired girl. She didn't want herto think she was actuall with Tayuya... Damn, damn, damn. She sighed before pushing off the wall and returning to her dorm room.

Just a crush on a girl she would likely never talk to...

Digging back into her pocket for her phone, she texted Kiba again.

'Maybe, why?'

'You should let me have it...'

'Only if you admit I'm right and that you have a crush on her'

She groaned aloud, rolling on to her side and pushing her forehead into the wall. She didn't want to. Even though all of what he said was true.

'You're right and I have a crush on her'

'That wasn't so bad now was it? ;D'

'Fuck you...'

'You're a lesbian and I'm gay. Doesn't work.'

'Sentiment stands'

'Maybe'

She rolled her eyes but he finally gave her Sakura's number. Not that she had any idea what in hell she would say. For all of her confidence, shegenerally didn't ask out girls. Seriously anyway.


	3. Words and Actions

She dressed in dark blue jeans and a long sleeved black shirt with holes in the cuffs to allow her thumbs out. She walked with her hands stuff into her pants pockets, not going anywhere particular. Hoping, of course, for another glimpse of that girl. Her ipod on, headphones strung up her shirt, she listened somewhat to Hollywood Undead's Tear it up. She walked what could only be described as listlessly. Uncaring of a destination, only the need for movement propelling her forward.

Her thoughts drifted back to the memory of the girl, Sakura. Her heart skipped a beat. Her breath caught in her throat. Those piercing green eyes. The shocked expression.  
Crushing. Definetely crushing. _Damn_ _it_ Kiba.

She wanted nothing more than to find this girl and speak to her. Sure, she had her number..., but..., something like that in text, just wasn't the same as in person.  
Finding her to talk to her however, would be a different matter entirely. She could ask Kiba if he knew what she was there to study or where her dorm room was, or anything about her that he might know. She didn't want to do that though. She wanted to be the one to talk to her. To hear her angelic voice.

Just then, she collided with something warm and while soft, also quite solid.

She must have been scowling because the person she had walked into was backing up quickly.

Her expression instantly softened when she saw it was the pink haired girl, Sakura.

"Sorry...," Hinata said softly as Sakura also uttered an apology.

The other girl looked up with a half smile, a blush creeping across her cheeks.

"This your first year here?" Hinata inquired, a smile tugging at her own lips.

"Yes. I guess you're a second or third year?"

"Mhm..., second year... It's not that great really."

Sakura laughed, her eyes closing. Hinata really smiled then, thinking that she could gaze at her forever.

"Well, if you need anything..., you can always find me."

"But what about that red haired girl? Won't she get jealous?" Sakura had stopped laughing at was looking at her expectantly.

Hinata chuckled softly. "No. She won't. She'd be happy I finally found someone else to hang out with."

"You mean..., you two aren't together?"

"Nah, we just like to fuck with the freshmen," Hinata grinned, her eyes faraway.

Sakura laughed and shook her head. "That's not very nice."

Hinata shrugged. "Who says we have to be nice?"

"No one, I suppose..."

"Exactly."

"So..., you said if I needed anything..., I could ask you..., how am I going ot do that if I don't even know your name?"

Hinata's cheeks flamed as the other girl giggled.

"My name is Hinata."

"Sakura," the other girl held out her hand.

Hinata took it gently, placing a feather light kiss upon the back of it. Sakura blushed as pink as her hair as Hinata released her hand, straightening back up.

"If you like, I'll put my number in your phone," she offered.

The blushing girl wordlessly handed over her phone. Hinata handed it back when she was finished.

"W-well, I'll see you around," Sakura smiled.

"Yeah," Hinata muttered, watching her walk off.

She wandered around a little while longer, listening to Halestorm.  
Returning to her room, she sat on her bed, finding her notebook. She thought a moment before her pencil flew across the page.

When I think of her,  
This girl I barely even know,  
All these possiblities...  
I just met her.  
But she makes everything stop.  
The arguments, the noise, the thoughts.  
Everything.  
Just being near her...  
I can think rationally...  
Or is it irrationally?  
Since all I wish to do...,  
Is wrap her in my arms and never let go...

She reread it and titled it "Her". She closed it and placed it back down. She flopped back on to her bed, folding her arms behind her head.  
Sakura...  
Just one conversation... And she was falling for her. No idea if she was straight or bi or gay. But she was already falling for her. Well fuck.

This was why she kept things surface! So she didn't get hurt. Because that was what would happen. She knew it couldn't be real. Sakura would turn out straight or just fucking break her heart. It always happened. No matter how much they say they care and love you, it's always the same fucking ending. Heartbreak. Tears. A new cut. Feeling so wretched you wish a cease of your existence.

Anger courses through her. Her breath quickens. Her skin cool to the touch although she feels flushed. Her eyes cold and hard. Her fists clenching and unclenching. When she's angry, she knows she's alive.  
Usually, she does something regretable when she's angry. As much as she'd love to put her fist through a wall, she knows she can't. As fulfilling as it would be.  
So she gets up, swinging her legs off the sideof her bed. Putting her earbuds back in and cranking her music up a little louder, she leaves her room again, despite the fact that it's past nine. She goes to the fitness center, working out until her anger is spent or at least can no longer force her body to move with ferocity.  
Tired, sweating, and beginning to feel miserable once more, she makes her way back to her room.

Finding another pair of boxers and a large green avenged sevenfold shirt, she takes a shower before collapsing on to her bed. Looking at her phone before falling asleep. An unanswered text from Sakura laying opened.


	4. Down, Down, Down

She slept. She dreamnt. She awoke.  
She merely looked at the time on her phone before finding her notebook and pen. In her head, she couldn't put it into words. On paper..., it would all become clear. That's how it always worked.

No matter the happiness I know,  
Always I return.  
Return to the place that has twisted me so.  
Minutes have passed since my return,  
Already I can feel the Darkness seeping in, unraveling all that I had.  
Making me think...  
'You can never have that'  
'Lies. All of it.'  
'You're nothing.'  
'You'll never be anything.'  
'Just give in... It'll be all right.'  
In the face of this, alone,  
I can feel my will crumbling.  
The same time that I long for it,  
I know I do not.  
Not really.  
Despite everything that screams at me,  
To let go.  
Fall back on the old ways.

Shaking, unshed tears making her vision blurry, she titled it "Lies", before closing her noteboook and setting it back down. She took a deep, shuddering breath. Blinking a couple of times to dismiss the tears, she looked at her phone again.  
A message, from Sakura.

'Hi. It's Sakura.'

The corners of her mouth twitched upward.

'Hey. Sorry I didn't get back with you last night.

Minutes later her phone buzzed.

'It's okay. :)'

'x) Well, is there anything you need help with today?'

'Not that I can think of...'

'All right.'

And with that text sent, she slid her phone into the pocket of the black and white Tripp pants she was now wearing. A white long sleeved shirt, similar to the black one, adorned her upper half, an equally white tank top beneath it.  
For all she was dressed, she had no where to go, nothing to do.

To make it all much worse..., the depression was back. Running about around her skull. Reminding her of every infraction. Every mistake. Every time she made a girl break up with her. Every cut made.  
She wanted what she had vowed she would not do. It seemed like the only thing. The only way. So tempting. She could feel the tug in her hand. To the drawer. To the knife inside it.

She kept her eyes forward. On the foot of the bed. She could ignore it's call. Surely..., Tayuya was awake by now.

Standing, more of an effort than it needed to be, the pale skinned girl left her room, phone in hand.

'You up?'

She walked without really seeing, the path to Tayuya's room memorized.

'No' finally came the reply.

'Be at yours soon' she typed without looking at her phone.

She rapped on the door lightly with her knuckles.

"S'open...," she heard from the other side.

She opened the door, stepping into the still mostly dark room and closing the door softly behind her.

"Mmmf, why've you woken me at this ungodly hour?" Tayuya muttered, her pillow over face.

Hinata said nothing, stopping in the center of the room, Tayuya's roommate already gone or not there yet. Her things took up most of the space, spread out as it was.

The silence stretched, Tayuya moving the pillow so it was only covering half her face, as her gaze searched Hinata's face, her expression softened. The red head sat up, moving back so her back was against the headboard, her arms open. With a rustle of chains and clothing, Hinata all but fell into her friend's embrace. Tayuya held her close and tightly. The paler girl felt warm tears leak from her eyes, but she didn't care. Tayuya didn't care either, simply holding the girl close, gently stroking her hair.

Sometimes there would be words, sometimes not. It was best just to wait. They both had pasts. Different, but similar.

"It's back."

Tayuya heard the whisper, and simply held the other girl closer, tighter. She knew what she meant, of course, She wished she could help her friend, but they both knew they were powerless against it. Better to wait it out in the comfort of each other than alone.  
Sitting in silence, eventually, the paler girl extracted herself from her friend's grip.

They locked eyes as she stood.  
Nodding to each other, Hinata left and Tayuya laid back down, lost in her own thoughts.

She walked with her head down and iPod playing. Her hands in her pockets, her chains jingling. She walked without really seeing where she was going. Her feet carried her to the edge of the campus. Where the forest began. She only went one row of trees in. It was there she sat upon the cold earth and stared into nothing. Unable to shake the feeling of monotony.

She hated it. How she had been fine only hours before. Perfectly fine. And then it happened. Again. Dragging her down. Sometimes, dragging her so deep, she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to reach back up to the light once more. It was sickening. How easily she could be destroyed. Destroyed from the inside no less. Despite everything. Despite how far she had already come.

She wanted it to end. All of it. Honestly. She hadn't even told Tayuya, how close she is to saying fuck it all, and trying once more, to take her own life. Despite everything. It seems like it's all that's left. The only option.

A glimmer of hope remains. But what if it is all for naught?


End file.
